i never knew it'd hurt so much.

when u tell me how horrible,
not only you feel disappointed, but i do too.
and with words you say, i feel so much worse.
you didnt use to use such harsh words before.
why now?
it must be me.

you think so negatively of me.
no matter what i say or do.
maybe it's been built in, into your memory of the me now.

i know i'm different from the past.
i know you're upset, i am too.
do you think i dont wanna be like how i was in the past?
i wanna be that, i miss that so much.
being that would mean perfect and happiness,
do you think i dont wan that?

just because i dont love you the way you want me too, or the way i used to, doesnt mean i dont love you just as much or even more.

the feeling i have for you, cant be described.

i dont understand why when you say all those hurtful/harsh words, i dont hate you.
any normal human being will hate the other person. it's only naturally, but i dont. and i dont know why.

i've changed, and it's a fact.
something you cant deal with, and neither can i.
if u wan out, i just wish i myself could wan out of myself.
that would be the easiest way out.
i guess you can live without me, but i definitely wont be able to live without myself can i.

i jus want you to know.
no matter how bad i've been, how badly i've treated you.
you've always mean the world to me.
i want so bad, to go back to the guam days.
we've suddenly switch.
i'm sorry for taking you for granted.
it's not something i'm proud of.

i dontknow when you'll see this.
but i wan u to know,
i'm sorry.
i want to know what's wrong myself.

all i know is that,

iloveyou
iloveyou
iloveyou
iloveyou
iloveyou
iloveyou
iloveyou
iloveyou
iloveyou
iloveyou
iloveyou
iloveyou
iloveyou
iloveyou
iloveyou
iloveyou
iloveyou
iloveyou

and that wont change.



i'm leaving for the airport in about 5 hours.
and i came back from there less than 5hours ago..

puffy eyes, splitting headache, no rest, eye bags, teary eyes..

i hate being away from you.
cos i'll miss you so terribly.

you mean the world to me.

//edit//

i've never been more disappointed.

i wish i could turn back time